Deep Breaths
by TurnUps
Summary: Life on Destiny Islands seems a dream, until the sun goes down and the nightmare's plague both Sora and Riku. Together, they manage to pull it together, but it will take some deep breaths to come back to reality. Set in between Kh1 and Kh2. Soriku. Fluff/angst. Oneshot.


**(A/N): I was writing another SoRiku fic and I just really wanted to get in Sora's head. The stuff that happens to him is actually pretty messed up He reminds me a lot of Oz from Pandora Hearts. But, yeah, I wanted to write some angst/fluff with bad dreams for Sora because there's not a lot of that. Then I threw in some Riku for good measure.**

 **Enjoy! Please leave a comment with your thoughts!**

 **(I have an ongoing SoRiku fic, so if you would like, I would love for you to check that out too!)**

 **Disclaimer : I do not own Kingdom Hearts.**

* * *

A scream woke Riku.

Not that he had really been awake. It was more like a conscious sleep. A conscious effort not to think about that.

Or that.

Or _that._

It felt like he had been waiting for the scream. Still, it had been nice to get a bit of rest without _those_ thoughts creeping into his mind.

He hadn't been doing a lot of sleeping since they got back to the Destiny Islands. Sora had. Just like two years ago, he had been cat napping on the beach practically every day.

"Have you ever tried to sleep in a space ship?" he had asked Riku when it was pointed out. "It's not fun. I have a lot of catching up to do."

Now that he looked back, Riku realised the daytime naps had been to stop the nightmares from creeping in.

He was out of bed in seconds, pulling on the first coat he could find and storming from his room. He and Sora had opted to share a hut. After being apart for so long, they had been reluctant to leave each other's company at all. When he had lost sight of Sora at the bonfire the previous night, panic had clutched at Riku's heart. A _not again!_

 _I can't lose him again!_

The other's had joked they were joined at the hip, and they had laughed and thrown their arms around each other. It was easier to make light of it then say 'I'm scared I won't see him again.'

Another wail echoed through the house. The wail of someone who was desperate to have anybody hear them. The scream he usually made when he woke in the middle of the night.

Sora slept with his door open; he always had, but Riku closed it when he entered.

There was a bundle of blankets on the bed, slightly twitching, with laboured breathing coming from it. At the snap of the door, it jumped.

"Riiiikuuuu...?" Sora's voice cried out from underneath.

"Sora, I'm here," Riku replied, dutifully heading to the bed.

Sora's head poked out form the blankets, tear streaked with wide eyes. His hair stuck up in more directions than usual.

"I thought keyblade wielders weren't scared of the dark?" Riku half-teased. He cupped Sora's cheek in his hand, his thumb wiping away a stray tear.

"I'm not afraid of the dark," Sora murmured. His hand held Riku's to him. Treasuring the contact like it was the first he had ever had. He took a shaky breath, his chest heaving. "I'm afraid of what's in it."

He pushed forward, off of the bed, and attached himself to Riku's waist like a limpet. His tank top had ridden up, and his back shone with cold sweat.

"I'm scared of losing you to it again," Sora whispered over the sounds of the waves from outside.

Riku hugged Sora back, pressing the smaller boy's head against his chest. Over his heart. It was beating heavily from the sudden shock of waking up.

It was a humid night, the heat was thick and heavy in the air, but the stars were bright, casting a silvery light through the open window. Palm trees twitched in the slight wind like sentries, their leaves stretching like fingers over Sora's floor.

"You won't lose me," Riku said softly, his fingers stroking Sora's hair, smoothing down the spikes it had stubbornly insisted on keeping. "After how hard I worked to get out of it, you can be sure I'm never going back."

"I had a dream you," Sora's voice choked up in his throat. His body convulsed with sobs as he thought to get the words out. "That you were-"

Riku knew. He had had dreams like that too. From the other end.

He peeled Sora away from him, and sat down on the bed, his hands on his friend's shoulder's firmly.

"Sora. I'm here. I'm me," he said, staring into Sora's eyes. "Everything is okay."

Sora nodded. He leant forward, and brushed Riku's hair from his eyes. Checking that they were still blue. They stared at each other, Sora's hands on either side of his face. Trembling. Riku steadied them with his own as Sora confirmed that it was him.

Sora seemed to sag with relief. His head fell so that their foreheads were pressed together.

"It's you," he agreed. His hands slipped from Riku's, clutching his hoodie instead. Like it was a lifeline. "Everything is okay."

Riku knew he needed a hair cut. And soon. Long white hair had too many connotations for the both of them. He knew it made Sora's stomach lurch when he saw it out of the corner of his eye. He knew it made night's like this worse. Night's when eye contact was as crucial as air.

"You had a dream I was Ansem again," he said. Because he had to clear the air. He had to confirm that he wasn't. That it hadn't been him.

Sora nodded, their noses bumping against each others.

"You beat me. I was going to be a heartless again - the darkness was - was pulling me back again - I was losing myself-" Sora whispered, his words stumbling over each other. He gave a dry sob, his eyes widening as panic clutched at him. "Riku - it was so dark and everything - everything was so cold."

Riku rubbed the back of Sora's hands with his palms. Roughly. To bring him back to here. His heart broke at the terror on Sora's pale face. He would have done anything to never see the expression there again.

"I know," Riku replied. He didn't, exactly, but he had felt like that under Maleficent's command, and he had felt heartless then. Numb. "As though you'll never be warm again."

"I didn't have you or Kairi to guide me - there was - no light - I was - I would be-" Sora's words broke off, and he buried himself in Riku's chest and whispered one last word. "Lost."

"I'm sorry," Riku had said the words countless times since they had gotten back to the islands, but he never felt like they were enough. They didn't show how much regret he felt - the bile that came up in his throat every time he thought about what he did to his friends. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry-" he caught himself, feeling his eyes tear up. He couldn't break down tonight. Tonight he had to be there for Sora. Like Sora was always there for him. "I'm here now. And I'll never let you go again. See - there's light-"

He gestured to the windows outside, and the lights reflected in Sora's eyes. A million worlds inside one boy.

"The light of all your friend's homes is showing you the way," Riku said, his eyes tracing the stars that he had always stared so longingly at. Would it have been different - if they had always been here - staring at the stars and never visiting - but being whole and happy and together?

Sora nodded. His fingers twitched on Riku's hoodie. He sobbed again, pressing his face against Riku's neck; so close Riku wondered if he could even breathe. His arms were tight around him, tight enough to hurt, and he tried to return the favour. There had to be no space. They had to really feel each other. To know it wasn't a delusion or a dream. To keep each other anchored right where they are. The pain was a reassurance of that.

"I'm me, aren't I?" Sora's voice was muffled. His hands sought Riku's, and their fingers slid over each other, desperate to grip anything. To come back down to reality. To prove he wasn't another boy with the same face. "I'm me?"

"Yes. You are Sora," Riku squeezed Sora's fingers, a prompt to get Sora to sit up. They're eyes met. A reassurance. He was him. He wasn't dreaming. "You are Sora, and you are fifteen years old."

Sora took a big breath - like there wasn't enough air in the room.

"I'm Sora," Sora repeated shakily. "I am fifteen years old," Sora's face crumbled. "I am fifteen years old, but I missed a whole year. I slept and - I left you - and I can't - I don't want to not wake up again."

"You will always wake up," Riku said. He didn't know how what to say. "You didn't leave me. You were right there with me."

"Riku - I forgot you-" Sora gasped, his face contorted with the shock and the fear.

"Not really," Riku said. He pressed their clasped hands to Sora's heart. "Not in here. I was always there Sora. And you remember. It's okay."

"I remember. It's okay," Sora repeated, half in a trance. He took another deep breath. "I am Sora, I am fifteen years old."

"You live on Destiny Islands," Riku continued. It was a check-list they had both forced themselves to say many times. It helped themselves remember who they were - before the keyblades and the destiny and the nobodies.

"I live on Destiny Islands," Sora said.

"You defeated the darkness, and the heartless and Xehanort and Ansem," Riku said.

Sora hesitated. His lip, shining in the night, trembled.

Riku squeezed Sora's hands.

"You can do it," he said.

"I defeated the darkness, and the heartless and Xehanort and Ansem," Sora said, his breath rattling in his throat.

"You are not Roxas," Riku said.

"I am not Roxas," Sora shook his head, as though that would expel all of the confusion.

"You have a heart," Riku said. He pressed his palm against Sora's chest. Sora's heart beat like a butterflies wings. Fragile under his ribs. Nothing had ever felt so beautiful to Riku. "I can feel it."

"I have a heart," Sora said. He pressed a hand to Riku's chest. To his own steady beat. "You have a heart."

"You are an amazing person," Riku said, his lips twitching upwards. "You am brave and kind and loyal and you am practically perfect in every way."

Sora shook his head, the ghost of a breathless laugh passing his lips.

But it was a laugh.

"Your best friend Kairi loves me very much," Riku continued. "But not as much as Riku."

A left-over tear slipped down Sora's cheek, catching the starlight as it fell. He gave Riku a watery smile.

"My friend Riku loves me more than anything in the world," Riku said. "And he will always be there to protect me."

"I love my friend Riku more than anything in the worlds," Sora said. They're legs were tangled together on the bed. "And I will always be there to protect him."

Riku smiled at Sora. Sora's eyes glistened back at him. Safe. Happy. In love.

"Good. You did good," he said, and planted a kiss on Sora's forehead.

Sora fell limp against him, as though he had fallen back asleep. The adrenaline of his nightmare was wearing off, and he was realising he was safe again. He wanted to go back to sleep.

Riku shifted, Sora's forehead nudged against his chin.

"Don't leave," Sora murmured, the words slurring into each other. His fingers ran over Riku's face in the dark, as though he couldn't see. Tracing the lines of Riku's cheekbones, over his nose, his jaw, his mouth. Like he was feeling it all for the first time. Like he was cradling a precious jewel. "Stay with me until morning?"

"Of course," Riku caught Sora's fingers in his own, kissing the pads of Sora's fingertips. Then he kissed Sora's mouth, gently.

He felt Sora's wet eyelashes on his cheek as they pulled away. If it had been a night without dreams, they would have kissed again and again; until their mouths were numb and sore, but their hearts thumping in their chests; chalices overflowing with love. He wondered if their clothes would have been discarded on the floor - barriers to feeling each other. Warm flesh against each other on a warm night.

Tonight, Sora pressed his ear against Riku's chest, curling up against him like a puppy or a small child. His finger's clutched at Riku's thin shirt as he fought to breathe. He hiccuped. Riku held him in place, protecting him as best as he could. As though he could make everything better.

He wished he could make everything better.

Riku ran his hands through Sora's hair. The way he knew Sora's mother had done when he was a child. Sora nudged into him appreciatively at the movement, as though he could wrap himself in Riku forever. Riku's chin rested on the top of Sora's head. He tried to match his breaths to the sounds of the waves outside. To be a lullaby.

A light rain began to fall, shaking the leaves outside. A _pitter-patter_ of tears from the sky. A relief rain after the scorching hot day.

Relief, Riku felt, as Sora's breathing evened out. He had done it. He had kept him safe. Once more countering his failures. Once more atoning for his mistakes.

Once more Sora was safe. And they were safe. And together. And once more Sora had said nothing about what Riku had done. He hadn't blamed him.

They were safe. And together. And in love.

And they slept soundly through the night, each one guarding the other from nightmares.

Bright light streamed in through the curtain-less window, making the back of Riku's eyelids scarlet. Trying to stir him awake. But he was too comfortable. He had slept too deeply. It felt like the first time he had slept in years.

It also felt hard to breathe because of the weight on his chest.

Sora shifted, so that he was properly straddling Riku's chest, and he felt their lips brush against each other. Sora was warm from being heated in the sun. Like the sun of the islands was bursting just underneath his skin.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," Sora said. His voice was a little hoarse, but back it held his usual happy-go-lucky cheer. None of the panic from the previous night. As though it had never happened.

"Sora," Riku murmured, hardly opening his eyes. His hand blindly sought Sora's face to hold. "G'morning."

Sora peppered him with kisses - his usual tactic to get Riku to wake up.

"It's the longest night celebration tonight," Sora said. "We should probably go help set up."

"Isn't it a little early?" Riku muttered, starting to sit off. Sora slid down his chest as he did so, landing in his lap.

"If it's light outside, it's never too early," Sora replied. He flashed his usual trademark grin, and pecked Riku's cheek.

But his eyes were still red rimmed and sore. His grin looked a little too forced.

Riku caught Sora's wrists before he could slip off of him.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

For a moment, it looked like Sora was going to lie, his cheeks red. His hands dropped into his lap.

"Look, about last night," Sora said. "I was just - the dream freaked me out and I - I over reacted. Don't worry about it."

He smiled up at Riku. Trying so hard to be convincing.

"You don't have to pretend," Riku said. "It's okay to be scared sometimes, Sora."

"I know," Sora's voice was hardly audible. But then he smiled at Riku, and his eyes shone in the morning light. "I'm okay. I promise."

He went to get up again, but Riku caught his waist this time, holding them together.

"I love you," Riku murmured, kissing Sora's neck. He felt Sora smile, and Sora ran his hands through Riku's tangled hair.

"I love you too."

Riku's memory of the firelight on Sora's hair - the flickering of shadows as they held each other by the side of the bonfire, the party lulled down to the stage where people sat in groups and talked quietly. The memory of Kairi handing them toasted marshmallows, and laughing when they realised Sora had fallen asleep on Riku's lap. All of the memories from the previous night twisted and warped as soon as he fell asleep. Darkness spilled over the images like ink. And suddenly he was back, shrouded in the darkness - it weighed down on him like armour - filled his lungs like smoke. And he was fighting. Roxas.

Sora.

Roxas changed into Sora at Riku's final blow.

Riku woke, sat up in the bed.

There was a thudder of footsteps, like rain on the wood, and Sora burst through his door.

"Riku, what happened?" Sora asked.

He had cried out at some point, then. He didn't remember.

Riku couldn't find the words to speak. He was gasping for breath, but it didn't feel like he was _breathing_. Like he was being smothered. He could still feel the lurch. Pushing the keyblade through -

Darkness spilling around him, floating like blood in water. Sticking to his hands. To his skin.

His hair stuck to him, curling around his throat and getting into his eyes. Making it hard to see and hear and breathe.

He tugged it away from him, but it caught in his fingers. Trapping him like rope. A whine came from the back of his throat.

"Riku - I'm here," Sora started towards the bed. He gently smoothed out Riku's damp hair. Freeing him. _Sora always freed him._

Riku pushed himself up, held Sora's face in his hands. Taking in every minute detail. The details that he had forced himself to remember when they had been separated. The freckles across the nose, the dimples. _This was Sora. This was real. This was reality._ He felt Sora's hands on his wrists, steadying him as he shook, but it felt like the touch of a ghost.

 _Was this reality?_

"You - you're - alive-" Riku gasped incoherent words, his fingers pulled at Sora's vest - he had to see -

There was nothing. No wound. Just an expanse of Sora's creamy skin.

"I'm fine, see?" Sora said gently. He peeled off the rest of the vest, and held Riku's hands to his abdomen. Riku's fingers stretched out, searching for any scar - any trace of his dream.

He heard a strangled sound - felt it in his throat - then allowed himself to slump forward. Relief started to chase away the panic and fear. He rested his head on Sora's shoulder heavily, and though Sora swayed from the weight, he didn't fall.

They stood in silence, Sora rubbing Riku's back gently as he cried.

"I - Roxas," Riku tried to explain to Sora.

"I'm me," Sora said. His voice sounded heavy. Riku couldn't guess how he would feel - everyone knowing him - by a different face - a different person completely but a shell of the boy who was asleep.

"I fought him - I -" Riku tried to swallow down the words. He couldn't say them, not to Sora.

"You did what you had to," Sora shushed him. Pushed him gently backwards, back to the bed. "You didn't hurt me. You fought Roxas."

Riku sat on the side of the bed heavily, as though his legs were made of glass. Sora stood above him, silver and black in the moonlight. His hands traced the shape of him. His jaw, his collarbone, his shoulders. The shapes that he knew as well as his own body.

Sora let him, his eyes half closed. His eyelashes flickered at he watched Riku's hands over him.

Sora slowly - gently - took one of Riku's hands, and pulled it to his face. Riku's fingers closed around his own, and Sora brushed his cheek against Riku's knuckles. Pressed them to his mouth. It was like they were both in a trance.

"I'm me," Sora repeated.

They looked at each other. Riku took a large intake of breath - and pulled Sora down towards him.

Their lips crashed against each other's messily.

"You're you," Riku confirmed.

"And you're you," Sora said. He pulled away slightly, enough to look Riku in the eyes. "Your name is Riku."

"My name is Riku," Riku said.

"You are not Ansem," Sora said.

"I am not Ansem," Riku's hands waited on Sora's waist, feeling him breathe. _He was alive. They were alive._ _They were alive and they were them._

"You're the bravest person on Destiny Islands, and Sora is only half the hero you are," Sora continued. He pressed his lips against Riku's cheek, and Riku found himself smiling wryly.

"Sora will always be twice the hero that I am," he said. "He has his own constellation."

"A hero is only as good as his friends," Sora replied, kissing Riku.

They fell back on the bed, their bodies curving into each other. Fitting into each other seamlessly. Two sides of the same coin.

Sora was smiling at Riku. An unconscious smile - as though Riku sky and everything in it. As though Nobody was watching him.

Riku found himself smiling back, his thumb tracing Sora's temple, marvelling at the way Sora leant in to his touch. The tiniest movement but it set his heart on fire. The tiniest movement, but he felt calmer - here - with him. He marvelled at Sora. Being so strong and so alive and so magnificent.

"I love you," Riku murmured. "More than anything."

"I know," Sora's lips twitched. He half closed his eyes, letting his eyelashes cast spidery shadows down his cheeks. "I love you. You are my moon and stars."

"You're my sun." Riku said, his lips traced Sora's eyelids.

"You're my world," Sora kissed Riku's Adam's apple.

"You're my universe," Riku said, and he held Sora's face so that he could look into his eyes.

Sora's eyes twinkled. He brushed Riku's hair away from his eyes. And Riku thought that - if he could preserve any moment in time - it would be this one.

"Ready to go back to sleep?" Sora asked quietly.

"Mm," Riku pulled Sora towards him, pressing his face into the nook of Sora's neck, his hands on Sora's bare back.

"It's okay, I'll stay," Sora said. "I'll always stay with you, Riku. If you always stay with me?"

"Always," Riku replied. Their voices were so quiet they could have been the waves on the shore.

"I promise."

Riku left before Sora got up the next morning. He didn't put on shoes, but padded across the beach. The sand was already scorching on his bare feet.

He climbed up to the island with the palm tree. The one they always sat on. The one where it looked as though the whole world was blue sky and blue sea forever and that time would never move. He sat there.

His hair was heavy around him. It choked him. Silky strands like a spider's web.

He clawed it into a ponytail, and summoned his keyblade.

It had caused problems for both of them. It made him look twice in a mirror just to check his face was the same. It made Sora push it away to see him better - to make sure he was still there.

Riku was going to push it away.

He looked out over the sea, to where the sun was just beginning to rise - spreading pink into the blanket of the night.

He jerked his keyblade.

Although he had known he was going to do it, he felt shocked when the ponytail came away in his hand. It separated so neatly.

His hair recoiled around the nape of his neck, and his ears. It felt lighter. Like a helmet had been lifted from his head. His heart felt lighter too - almost as though cut himself from his past.

He hadn't of course. Riku knew this wouldn't help stop the nightmares.

But he had to start moving on.

He took a breath, then tossed the bundle of hair into the ocean. It glimmered like a fish, before it sunk. The waves carried it away.

Riku ran a hand through his hair, still shocked when his fingers came up short.

Then he clambered down from the little island. His feet splashed the surf and sand stuck to him as he made his way back up the beach. To his hut. To their hut.

To the boy he had promised he would never leave.


End file.
